it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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