i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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