Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
