is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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