Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
