turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
