haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
