I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
