She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
