this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
