Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
