It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
