i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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