She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
