According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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