My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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