Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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