Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
