My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
