Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
