so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i drank out of a bidet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
