I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
