piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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