So drunk its hurt
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
