I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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