I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
