I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
