I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
