i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
