I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
