after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
