saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
