I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
