3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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