I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
