I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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