she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
