I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
