Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
