Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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