She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
