I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
