if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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