Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
