A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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