is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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