When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
