I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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