Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
