If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will pee on everything he values.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
