I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
