Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
