that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
