I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
