Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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