Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
